1. A little couple walked slowly into McDonalds one cold winter evening. They looked out of place amid the young families and young couples eating there that night.
Some of the customers looked sdmiringly at them. You could tell what the admirers were thinking. "Look, there is a couple who has been through a lot together, probably for 60 years or more!"
The little old man walked up to the cash register, placed his order with no hesitation and then paid for their meal. The couple took a table near the back wall and started taking food off the tray.
There was one hamburger, one order of French fries and one drink. The little old man unwrapped the plain hamburger and carefully cut it in half. He placed one half in front of his wife. Then he carfully counted out the French fries, divided them in two piles and neatly placed one pile in front of his wife.
He took a sip of the drink and then his wife took a sip as the man began to eat his few bites. Again, you could tell what people around the old couple were thinking. "That poor old couple." As the old man began eating his French fries, a young man stood up and walked to the old couple's table.
He politely offered to buy another meal. The old man replied that they were just fine. They were used to sharing everything. Then the crowd noticed that the little old lady still hadn't eaten a thing. She just sat there wasting her husband eat and occasionally spped some of the drink.
Again, the young man came over and begged to let him buy them another meal.
This time, the lady explained that, no, they were used to shairng. As the little old man finished eating and was wiping his face neatly with a napkin, the young man could stand it no longer and asked again. After being politely refused again, he finally asked the old lady,
"Ma'am why aren't you eating. You said you share everything. What is it you are waiting for?"
She answerred:
THE TEETH
2.Beer Scooters
How many times have you woken up in the morning after a hard night of drinking and thought 'How did I get home?' As hard as you try, you cannot piece together your return journey from the bar to your home.
The answer to this puzzle is that you used a beer scooter. The beer scooter is a mythical form of transport, owned and leased out to drunks (without their knowledge) by Bacchus, the Roman god of wine. Bacchus has branched out since the decrease in the worship of the Roman pantheon and bought a large batch of these magical devices.
The beer scooter works in the following fashion:
The passenger reaches a certain level of drunkenness and the 'slurring gland' begins to give off a pheromone. Bacchus or one of his many sub-contractors detects the pheromone and sends down a winged beer scooter.
The scooter scoops up the passenger and deposits them in their bedroom via a trans-dimensional portal. It is not cheap to run a beer scooter franchise, so a large portion of the passenger's in-pocket cash is taken as payment. This generates the second question after a night out 'How did I spend so much money?'
Beer scooters have a poor safety record and are thought to be responsible for 90% of all UDI (Unidentified Drinking Injuries). An undocumented feature of the beer scooter is the destruction of time segments during the trip. The nature of trans-dimensional portals dictates that time will be lost, seemingly unaccounted for. This generates the third question after a night out 'What happened?'
With good intentions, Bacchus opted for the EMIT (Embarrassing Moments In Time) add on, that automatically removes in descending order, those parts in time regretted most. Unfortunately one person's EMIT is not necessarily the EMIT of another and quite often lost time is regained over a suitable period.
Independent studies have also shown that beer goggles cause the scooter's navigation system to malfunction thus sending the passenger to the wrong bedroom often with horrific consequences. With recent models including a GPS, Bacchus made an investment in a scooter drive-thru chain specialising in half eaten kebabs and pizza crusts. Another question answered!
For the family man, beer scooters come equipped with flowers picked from other people's garden and Thump-A-Lot Boots. These boots are designed in such a way that no matter how quietly you tip-toe, you are sure to wake up your other half. Special anti-gravity springs ensure that you bump into every wall and the CTSGS (Coffee Table Seeking Guidance System) explains the ring marked shins.
Most useful of all is the on-board heater which allows you to get home from the bar in sub-zero temperatures wearing just a T-shirt. The final add-on Bacchus saw fit to invest in for some scooters is TAS (Tobacco Absorption System). This explains how one person can apparently get through 60 Marlboro Lights in a single night.
3.
# Santa Singh was driving along the highway when a police officer pulled him over for speeding. The officer is Banta Singh.
Officer: May I see your licence?
Santa Singh: License? What does it look like?
Officer: Its a rectangular thing with a photo of you on it.
Santa looks around the car for a rectangular piece of object and finds a compact mirror used by his wife in the glove compartnment.
Santa Singh: Here - this is all I have!
Banta Singh opens it up and says: Oye yaar! Why didn't you tell me! I can't fine you - you're also a police officer!
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