GREAT LAUGHING JOKES -10

Buying A Jaguar

1.A woman walks into a Jaguar dealership and spots the car of her dreams. She walks over to inspect it, but while leaning over to feel the fine leather upholstery, she accidently breaks wind.

Embarrassed, she looks around nervously to see if anyone has noticed her little accident and hopes a sales person doesn't appear right now.

However, there standing behind her is a sales person.

"Good morning Madame, how may we help you today?"

Very uncomfortably she asks, "Sir, how much is this lovely vehicle?"

He answers, "Madame, I'd rather not say. If you farted just touching it, you're going to shit yourself if I tell you the price."

2.The Farmer

A farmer goes to a livestock dealer and buys an anvil, a bucket, two chickens and a goose.

The farmer looks at his purchases and says, "Damn, I walked here. How am I gonna carry all this stuff home?

The livestock dealer said, "Why don't you put the anvil in the bucket, carry the bucket in one hand, put a chicken under each arm and carry the goose in your other hand?"

"Hey thanks!" the farmer said, and off he went.

While walking home he met a little old lady who told him she was lost. She asked, "Can you tell me how to get to Mockingbird Lane?"

The farmer said, "Well, as a matter of fact, I live just down the road from there. Let's take my short cut and go down this alley. We'll be there in no time."

The little old lady said, "I'm a lonely widow without a husband to defend me. How do I know that when we get in the alley, you won't hold me against the wall, pull up my skirt and ravage me?"

The farmer said, "Holy smokes lady! I'm carrying a bucket, an anvil, two chickens and a goose. How in the world could I possibly hold you against the wall and do that?"

She replied, "Set the goose down, cover him with the bucket, put the anvil on top of the bucket ..... and I'll hold the chickens."

3.The Potato Garden

An old man lived alone in the country. He wanted to dig his potato garden, but it was very hard work as the ground was hard. His only son Fred, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:

Dear Fred,
I am feeling pretty bad because it looks like I won't be able to plant my potato garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here, all my troubles would be over as you normally dig the plot for me.
Love, Dad.

A few days later he received a letter from his son:
Dear Dad,
For heaven's sake, don't dig up that garden!
That's where I buried the bodies.
Love, Fred.

At 5 am the next morning, Scotland Yard and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologised to the old man and left.

That same day, the old man received another letter from his son:
Dear Dad,
Go ahead and plant the potatoes now.
That's the best I could do under the circumstances.
Love, Fred.

4.Three Wishes

A woman was out golfing one day when she hit her ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap.

The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grant you 3 wishes." She did and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failed to mention that there is a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get 10 times more or better!"

The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realise that this wish will also make your husband the most handsome man in the world, and women will flock to him."

The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautiful woman, and he will only have eyes for me." So, KAZAM - she became the most beautiful woman in the world!

For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in the world, and he will be ten times richer than you."

The woman said, "That's okay because what's mine is his and what's his is mine." So, KAZAM she became the richest woman in the world!

The frog asked her what she would like for her third wish. She said, "I'd like a mild heart attack."

Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them.